Guilty as charged. . .

I tried, really I did.

The pull was just too great. And the guilt crept in shortly after the second day. It was literally all I could think about. And every time I sat down to do something mundane (grade papers, check Facebook), the little voice in my head mocked me.

So today I gave in. It would have been day four, but my body couldn't take it. I've officially developed a habit.

The gym is oddly quiet on Sundays, as I've recently discovered, and it felt completely different to be there because I 'wanted to' and not because I 'had to'. Our final weigh-in was last Thursday, and I'd taken a few days off to relax and bask in the glory of a hard three months. Walking through the doors this afternoon of my own volition and not as part of The Challenge was a liberating feeling. Don't get me wrong, having the push of the contest at my back has been incredibly motivating and I certainly wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for that blessing. But working out today, well, it just seemed less stressful even though the workout was just as difficult as it had always been.

* * *

The Challenge is officially over. Results will be announced on Thursday. I am infinitely proud of my Top 5 status, and will be happy wherever I place. I never dreamed I would have made it this far. I've been spending a lot of hours thinking back on the journey: the good, the bad, and the ugly. There have been many, many highlights and low lights throughout these past months. Here are just a few of the things I remember most:

* The day I met the Hanford team in the parking lot of Blockbuster, driving to the KDUV studio, and thinking that we'd left Jennifer behind.

* Eating our "last supper" after our informational meeting, In-n-Out Burgers (I haven't had one since)

* Meeting Mike and thinking he was way too young to be our trainer.

* Zumba.

* Our first team workout, and crying because I couldn't skip rope very well (and still can't).

* Hillary's stepping down so that Jennifer could stay on the team.

* Mike-isms: "lower your butt", "five more", "breathe", "failure is not an option".

* My radio interview with Shannon Steele.

* Patti's "dance" across the pool and laughing so hard we nearly drowned.

* Four-hour workouts before weigh-in.

* Mike's feeble attempt to get me to run through the city of Hanford.

* Retiring some of my old clothes.

* Learning to love broccoli, brown rice, chicken, and protein shakes (okay, not truly loving them, but "adjusting").

* Learning to prioritize my life.

* Realizing that God does answer all types of prayers (even the "just five more reps" variety).

* Seeing my before/after pictures.

There was a certain level of sadness when I left the gym after weigh-in, and it's continued through the weekend. There's a lyric from Hillsong that pretty much sums it up for me:

"I will never be the same again,
I can never return, I've closed the door.
I will walk apart, I'll run the race
And I will never be the same again."

I know that I've said this before and I'll say it again. I am ETERNALLY thankful to KDUV, to Trainer Mike, to my teammates (especially Patti and Jenn who are THE BEST cheerleaders ever!), and all my friends and family who have supported and prayed for me while I've been on this journey. May your cup runneth over with blessing after blessing.

The journey's only just begun. . .I'll keep you posted.